Reflections

As I sit here staring at the keyboard, trying to find the the right words, I am overcome by grief. For today, I have just received word that a very faithful companion of mine has passed away. Yes, it was time, and it’s better this way, but it still hurts my heart terribly to know that he is gone.

Today, my parents had to put down one of their dogs. I have only lived through this one other time in my entire life, and I must say, this time is no easier than the last. In fact, it may be harder simply because I had much longer with this dog than the last. So, in order to work through the pain that only time will somewhat heal, I dedicate this post to one of the most wonderful and loyal companions I have ever known…Abu Garcia a.k.a. Boo.

Boo was a mixed breed, part cocker spaniel and part poodle, a cockapoo if you will. He was so small when Mom brought him home. We weren’t even looking for a new dog but when she saw him at the vet, she just couldn’t leave him. He was just too cute My Dad wasn’t very pleased at first, but it didn’t take long for this little fellow to win his heart.

One of my first memories of Boo is a few hours after bringing him home. He was just a small pup and not quite sure about what was going on. I was in 8th grade I believe, making my brother 10 or so. My brother came home and startled the new puppy. Boo ran into the corner of the kitchen, yelped once, and then proceeded to pee all over the floor. It was priceless, especially when my brother got into trouble for it

It was fun watching this little puppy grow up. I remember his favorite summer activity. He loved to play in the water, and would play in his water bowl if you let him. We use to take out a cake pan, fill it up with water, take it outside and let Boo play in it. As soon as we put it down, he would climb in, pick a corner, and then dig. I guess he was trying to get all of the water out of that corner, I’m not really sure though. It was very entertaining to watch him throw water all over the place. And when he got tired of that one corner, he would go to another. He couldn’t rest until there was little or no water left in the pan. He would do this for hours, while we would just sit and watch. Boo however, did not like the swimming pool at all. How strange

As Boo got older, he could be quite tempermental. When we got Boo, I was around the age at which Girl Scout Camp became very important to me. I was going a lot and preparing for the CIT program (counselors-in-training). It’s a month long program that takes place over the course of two years. So, I left for camp, with only one weekend break over the month for two years. Each time I left and then returned, Boo would get mad at me. He would growl and walk off every time I would try to pet him. He would eventually get over it and I could win him over within a day or so. I guess it was his way of telling me that he missed me and loved me that much and that he didn’t appreciate me leaving him like that. We all have our quirks.

I was the one who took Boo to obediance training. You couldn’t tell it though. He only obeyed Mom it seems. But that was okay too, my brother and I didn’t really obey Mom so it was good that someone did

For the last decade (plus some), Boo has been one of the few constants in my life. As much as I watched him change, he in turn watched the major changes in my life. He saw me go from middle school to high school, from high school to college, and from college to graduate school. He also witnessed my first major boyfriend, and continuously growled at him for the entire couple of months that we were together. And while I have flourished and become the person that I am, he unfortunately got older, and sicker. For the most part, he was healthy. Afew years ago, he developed cataracts and lost most of his sight. Then, his hearing went as a result of taking a certain medication. Then we found out his heart was enlarged. But still, his little body kept on ticking. He was a fighter.

I am sorry that I did not get to properly say goodbye. I saw him just last weekend. Boo had developed quite a cough that was very annoying to most. It was very pitiful, and constant. He was waking my parents up by 4 in the morning, and was beginning to lose all sense of time. My Mother wasn’t even quite sure he knew who she was anymore. Boo was really beginning to lose it. Yet, he was still strong.

A few jokes were made about his cough and putting him out of his misery (and ours) but a little cough, while inconvenient, was no reason to put down an otherwise healthy dog for his age (somewhere around 13 or older). I hate that I made some of those comments about putting him down. In retrospect, it wasn’t a very nice thing to say. Apparently, over this past week, he deteriorated rapidly. He began having trouble breathing and eventually stopped eating. And eating was about all that he lived for. My parents made the decision based on his quality of life and had him put down this morning. I just received the email about 20 min. ago. My heart aches and there is a small hole that can never be filled. But my mother’s words stick with me…

I feel like even though he didn’t know me, he did know he was safe and loved to the very end.

Isn’t that all what we want in the end? I know I do.

Yes, I will go on. And with time, the pain will fade but never go away. All I can do is be thankful that I got to see him one last time before the end and cherish the memories that we made together. I guess there is a lesson in all this, one that you hear time and time again but never seem to fully realize until something tragic, yet not unexpected happens, the loss of a friend.

So, I will take comfort in my mother’s words and our hearts will hurt together.

I know that we did the right thing in letting him go. My head tells me all the things it should about a good long life, best for Boo, no more pain but… it is not my head that hurts. My heart does. Boo was a true and faithful companion. After all, who else will sit on a hill all night and look for you to come home

I’ll miss you Boo, but I know you are in a better place. And thank you for making my life a little brighter.

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