Notice: Important Information Enclosed, Read Immediately
Dear Mr. Creekmore,
This letter is being sent to notify you that your wife has gone insane. We are sorry to report that she is experiencing extreme irritability and
irreversible pregnancy rage. While these conditions are temporary, there is no treatment available with the exception of childbirth. Seeing as she is only 11 weeks along, the latter treatment is not an option at this time. The best thing you can do is to treat the symptoms. Our advice to you is that you be as understanding and non-confrontational as possible. Please heed our advice, your very life may hang in the balance. Other things to do to pacify your wife: backrubs, saying nothing but “Yes, Dear”, saying “I Love You”, hand-holding, any type of affection, taking care of things so she doesn’t have to, flowers, etc. These are only some of the options you can choose to pursue. Please try to be patient, the rage will eventually pass. As long as it is not directed at you but at everyone else, things usually work out for the best.
We hope that this notification and our suggestions benefit you and your pregnant wife. Just remember that with time, it will pass. Until then, if you need help or a shoulder to cry on, please call our hotline
1-800-HELP-ME. Our operators are waiting to assist you.
Good Luck.
Sincerely,
HOPW (Husbands of Pregnant Women)
November 9th, 2006 at 7:46 pm
Mr. Creekmore:
Additional therapy might be sought in zippy rides in turbocharged cars that some friends of yours own, or mayhaps appropriate libations of spirits.
Signed,
Someone who has some of both and can be at your house quite quickly
November 9th, 2006 at 10:11 pm
Methinks I may have to take you up on that sometime
November 10th, 2006 at 9:53 am
Hey, don’t I get to see and ride in your new car too? You better watch out if you don’t, I might get mad at you
November 10th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
See? Yes. Ride? Is that advisable?
You can get mad at me, because I don’t live with you. But I don’t want you to get mad at me, because then Jonathan has to hear about it and calm you down.
November 10th, 2006 at 4:12 pm
As long as you drive in a straight line I should be okay, or if I have a good line of sight
Anyway, I just had to give you a hard time 
And I really don’t think I could get mad at you for that, as long as I got to look at the car first before you carried my husband off for an afternoon free of hormonally imbalanced pregnant women
November 14th, 2006 at 6:15 pm
The insanity doesn’t go away with childbirth! Sorry Jon…..