You Can Help
Help save our oceans that is.
One of the biology blogs I follow is trying to get people signed up to help save the deep sea environment. I've already signed up and I'm hoping maybe a few of you would be interested as well. Here is the link to follow to see if you are interested. So far, it's been easy to do.
All You Have To Do Is Just One
Also, next year is the bicentenary of the birth of Charles Darwin. To celebrate, a sailing replica of the HMS Beagle will be launched. There is a site to donate and a blog to follow if you are interested. There is even a store, where t-shirt purchases include a $10 donation to the building funds. I think it's pretty cool and will end up with a t-shirt myself eventually.
Take a look and help us celebrate!
MIA, for a little while…
Hey Everyone!
I know posting hasn't been regular here for a while, but it might be a little more scarce in the days ahead. We found out on Friday that Emily has RSV and a double ear infection. She has been out of daycare since last Thursday. The good news, she hasn't run a fever since Fri. The bad news, she absolutely hates the nebulizer treatments. She gives us the evil eye after we give her a treatment. So far, she seems to be in good spirits. A little fussy, but that is understandable. We are hoping she will be well enough to return to daycare tomorrow. The doctor said she could return once she no longer had a fever.
So, that is why we were MIA during PHE. I hate that we missed it this year, but I didn't think anyone would appreciate us sharing germs with them. RSV presents as a cold in adults and poor Jon came down with it the day after Emily started getting sick. So, I have a couple of sick patients these days. Both are showing improvement though 
I hope everyone else is doing well. May you not catch a cold during all this crazy weather.
The Ugly Side of Parenting
As you all know, Emily had a rough introduction to life and Jon and I had a rough introduction to parenting. What I have found is that most people will tell you how wonderful and rewarding it is to be parents. Those same people, however, seem hesitant to tell you about what I call the "ugly side" of parenting. Luckily, I had some good friends who were very honest about parenting in its entirety (Thanks Misty!) and very supportive once Emily arrived.
So, why am I posting on this topic now, especially since Emily is 7 months old? Well, a couple of good friends of mine recently went through some hectic times in which their daughter has been crazy sick off an on. They posted about it and described what they called A Parent Freak Out. As I was reading this post, I remembered a time in which I had the ultimate freak out with Emily.
Let's set the scene shall we...
It was the early hours of the morning. Emily had been nursing off and on for hours. She was exhausted and I was exhausted. I couldn't put her down because she would wake up and we would start all over again. I believe Jon was back at work and I was trying to let him sleep so he could function. The help was gone and I was alone with Emily on the couch. Every time I looked at her all I could think about was how I really didn't want to be holding her anymore. When she started crying again, I cried with her. I could hardly stand the thought of putting her back to the breast for yet more nursing. It got so bad that I could not stand her touching me in order to feed. I was in total dispair and did not know what to do. At the time, I had no idea that nursing was not supposed to be like that. So if you are experiencing the same nightmare, get help...now!
Anyway, Emily started crying again and I was very literally at my wits end. So I picked her up to nurse her, but when I did, I snapped her head very quickly. I did not mean to. However, at her age, handeling her roughly like that could cause serious damage. I was instantly flooded with guilt and shame and terrified that I may have just hurt her. I cried with her for a while. All I could do was hug her to me and whisper "I'm sorry" over and over again. Not long after that, I put her down in the crib and left her for 10 minutes while I fixed her a bottle.
I don't really recall what happened after that. I just remember the horror that I felt when I realized how close I was to hurting my child. I can totally understand why some parents result to abusing their children. That may sound like a horrible thing to say, but it is true nonetheless. I am very thankful for that reality check. I needed to get a grip before something bad happened to both of us. And do not think that just because she did not get hurt that I don't still feel guilty about the incident. Of course I think about it less and less, but every once in a while when I get frustrated with Emily, I am reminded of this lesson and take a deep breath and calm myself. Thank goodness that Emily's development is right on track and she appears to be a very bright individual. The guilt still lingers on and probably will for the rest of my life.
Looking back on this incident, this is probably when the Post-Partum Depression came bubbling to the surface. I believe I was diagnosed not long after this happened. So Stephen, yes, I totally understand the Parent Freak Out you described. And it sounds like I may have even taken it one step further.
For those new parents out there, don't be afraid to put the child down and walk away to calm yourself. If you think you have post-partem depression, get help! The best piece of advice I received when Emily was born came from my doctor. She told me the following in the hospital, "No baby has ever died from crying." I have tried to take that to heart and not beat myself up over what did happen or what could have happened. Since then, I have not been afraid to put Emily down and walk away, or take her away from Jon if his frustration level is rising.
Although being a parent is a wonderful experience, it does have its ugly side too.
Site Back
There are no pictures in this post. If that is all you are looking for, skip this and come back later Ok, now that is out of the way. Some of you may or may not have noticed that our site was down for a day or so. Apparently, the server had some serious hard drive problems that required them to be replaced. Geof spent the better part of a day backing up and restoring the server to get everything back up and running — while still managing to work a day job! Geof, I just wanted to say that I appreciate everything you do to keep our site (and all of the other sites you host) up and running. I know that it can be a thankless job, so THANK YOU!