Experiments in Life

The world was full of light and wonderful things. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. I was pleasantly surrounded by life. Suddenly, I was plunged against my will into darkness. No longer could I see or hear the noises associated with everyday living. I was trapped. The temperature began to rise and the panic began to set in. I was alone and the silence only reminded me of that fact. There was no one to help me, no one even knew I was there. I was held between two worlds, one full of light and one of only darkness. Fear and panic began to take over. Suddenly, a dim sliver of light pierced the darkness. It guided me in my time of desperate need. I went towards the light, clinging to the hope that I would be free once more. Finally, I was thrust back into the light. Relief washed over me. I was back where I belonged, in a world full of light and life. Never have I been so thankful.

Yep, that’s right. I got stuck in the elevator at work during a power outage. Nothing like a little time in a large, heavy, suspended-between-two-floors metal death trap to give you a new perspective on things

Smoofish phrase for the day:

Marble Cream Slabbery

Better known as the Marble Slab Creamery to those of you who do not speak Smoofish.

The reply to this phrase given by my husband:
“That’s okay. I knew what you meant. I do smeak Spoofish.” I’ve trained him well, his Smoofish is coming along quite nicely

Also, a great sandwich shop has moved into the Target plaza, it’s called Fireball Subs, as opposed to Firehouse Subs.

It was Friday night and I was finally getting around to putting up the Christmas tree. So, Jonathan brought in the box for me and I went to work. I pulled out the bottom and put it in the stand, and then I just stared at it. I remembered well the trouble in the past this tree had caused, if only I knew what trouble it would be this year.

*flashback* My mom and I found a great deal on a prelit tree from McRae’s a couple of years ago. It was one they had used in their decorations. Well, we got it pretty cheap, now I know why When my mother and I attempted to put the tree up last year, the lights did not work. Jonathan and I then spent several hours checking each light bulb on the 7 ft. tree, replacing burned out bulbs as we went. Well, when we plugged it in after the purging, fewer lights worked than before!
*end flashback*

*back to present day* Well, remembering all that, I decided it would be best to take off the lights that didn’t work, meaning all of them. So, I set to work. I have no idea who put those lights on but man, were they on there good. This job required a really sharp pair of scissors and extreme determination and will power on my part. I was determined to get those stupid lights off! Apparently the tree did not want to be stripped of its lights because as I began unwinding the first string, the tree bit me! It actually bit me! And it continued to do so with every light that I took off. It tried to eat me!! But I wouldn’t let it have me! I fought my way back out of the tree, with lights in hand When I got through with the bottome section, I was scratched and bleeding all the way up to my elbows. Bad tree, bad!! Once the tree was stripped, it was time to put the new lights up. The tree did not like this either. It continued it’s futile attempts to eat me for the remainder of the evening. By this point, it was beginning to get late, but I thought what the heck, I’ll go ahead and light the midde. So, I bent down and pulled the middle out of the box….well, at least I thought it was the middle. As I looked at what I had in my hands and the tree sitting in the stand, beautifully lit, I came to a horrible realization. I had in fact, not stripped the bottom of the tree. I had mistakenly put the middle section of the tree in the stand. I couldn’t believe it. I stood there holding the bottom of the tree and staring in disbelief at the middle, standing tall in all its brilliance and beauty, laughing at me. And then I realized that the tree wasn’t the one laughing, it was my husband. I slowly turned my head to look at him, hearing nothing but laughing and giggling the whole time. As I looked at him, he just looked up at me and said “I’m laughing at a puppy, really!” (BTW, he was not laughing at a puppy!) When he finally settled down and wiped the tears from his eyes, I heard an all too familiar *thump thump thump*. I turned and there was Snobbers (a.k.a. Rosie, one of our australian shepherd mixed pups) looking lovingly up at me and wagging her tail, which was hitting the wall, hence the loud thumps. I was trying to be mad and not laugh since Jonathan was having way too much fun already, so I looked at her and said “Don’t you look at me and wag your tail!” Well, that only succeeded in starting Jonathan off on round two of the laughing hysterics. I honestly thought he was going to fall off of the couch.

Needless to say, I did not finish stripping and lighting the tree that night. Since I had already done the middle, I went ahead and put the top of the tree on and put the lights on it. It worked out really well seeing as it was much easier to light the tree when the top of it was at eye level. (Last year I nearly killed myself lighting the top of the tree on a step ladder. )

Late Saturday evening, I finished lighting that blasted tree. Then the two of us put it together…in the right order. This is after an emergency run to Wal-Mart for more lights. Somehow I managed to use more lights than last year. Last year I used 450 lights. This year I managed to need 650 lights. According to my completely nerdy, yet loving husband, that is about 40 lights per cubic foot of Christmas tree, or 33% more lights than I used last year

Now, I know that putting together an artificial Christmas tree is not rocket science, but…well…I guess I really have no excuse. I have no idea how I managed to mess this up. Guess I’m just getting old

Sunday after church, I broke out the dozens of ornaments and proceeded to decorate the heck out of that tree. I was going to get it back for all the pain it had caused me! (I had finally stopped bleeding by this point, however I look like I got into a fight with a couple of cats!) As I stood back to look at my handy work, I thought, “Maybe this tree isn’t so bad. It didn’t succeed in eating me afterall!”

The word for the day is:

stuffing stockers

Any questions?

A Smoof-to-English dictionary translation will be provided upon request.

Well, since I was already being cranky and all, I figured I’d post this little tidbit as well. I found out this morning that our fair city has had a blond moment…since they were building a new high school near research park, they decided to cut a road from slaughter into research park to help with traffic flow. Well, they put up a light and columns on slaughter…however, if you were to turn in and follow the road, you end up at the new high school. Apparently the city ran out of money and could not afford to finish cutting the road through, so the only option is to cut through the high school parking lot, which of course you are not supposed to do. Looks like to me they would have thought about that before putting up the light and the signs and all. Anyway, it made me laugh and helped brighten my morning after that 40 minute drive.

But part of me wonders…whose engineering and financial brilliance do we have to thank for all of this?

Well, I haven’t had much to write about lately…with the holiday weekend and all, I figured everyone would be taking some time off, so I figured I should too. Anyway, I have been struggling to find something to write about…but, as luck should have it….I recently found some inspiration….meaning I did something goofy

Here goes, I was innocently standing at the water cooler filling up my cup with the sparkling, cool refreshment when all of a sudden, my cup launched itself out of my hand. It hurled itself to the floor and landed before I could catch it. Then, a huge spout of water exploded from the cup. It was….well….it was raining upwards!!! Of course, water went everywhere….and as my luck would have it, I happened to be standing and looking down at the exact spot where the cup landed. What does this mean for the innocent victim you ask…well, it means that I got really wet!! My liquid, cool refreshment splashed all over my jeans, shirt, and one of my shoes. (I’m not sure how I managed to miss the foot nearest the incident…but I’ve learned not to ask questions…just to accept my clumsiness ) Anyway, during the water explosion, the water went so high that the top of my head got wet! When I’m clumsy…I’m really clumsy I looked around to see if anyone saw what I had done, and in doing so, noticed that I was now standing in a puddle. I hurridly cleaned it up and thought I was home free until a coworker rounded the corner. She looked at me and commented me on my jeans. She thought they were the distressed ones because of all the water spots all over my pants. I just said thanks and practically ran back to my cube.

I am happy to say that I no longer have any water spots and I am definitely squeaky clean for the day. However, I do not recommend taking a shower at the office water cooler on a daily basis. People might start to talk

Oh, and I was successful in finally filling up my cup with water and getting it back to my cube without spilling a drop….the sencond time around!!

Socks are great! In fact, they are better than great….they are fabulous!! Today, I am wearing socks #30 and #5…and no, they don’t match (BTW, the socks were prenumbered. I did NOT number my crazy socks!!) Today the socks I’m wearing have big blue stars on one and light blue little stars on the other. For those of you who were not at movie night last night, I received two sets of the mismatching socks that are the craze these days. So, I now have 14 new socks and no two socks are the same. They are absolutely wonderful These socks rank up in the “Best Gifts I’ve Gotten this Year” category. But the story I got with these socks is priceless as well.

So, I was checking out the socks and the cashier held them up and smiled. Then she asked, “And how old is the person you are getting these for?” At this point, I’m sure a deliciously wicked smile slowly spread across Amy’s face as she replied, “Oh, she’s in her mid-twenties!” I can only imagine what the cashier’s face looked like!

Isn’t that just great? In case you didn’t notice, I have a sock fetish. I’m not really sure why. Maybe it’s because of the pressures to conform to the expectations and rigid dress code set down by society for working women that drives me to act out in any way I can, with socks being an acceptable medium. Maybe it’s because I got tired of wearing boring old white socks. Maybe it’s because I simply like the feeling of soft, comfy material between my toes (toe socks of course!). Or maybe it’s simply that I’m a crazy woman and my socks are the door to my strange personality.

For as long as I can remember, I have been rebelling against what people have told me I had to wear. I’m sure my mother would wholeheartedly agree that this was indeed the case in my childhood. Over the years, as I have grown up and become a mature adult**lol**, I have managed to tone down the wardrobe a bit. This coming from the child who has been picking out her wardrobe since Kindergarten. Apparently, there were many days that I simply chose to stay in my pajamas or wear completely mismatched outfits to school. I guess that was just not a battle my mom was willing to fight….maybe that’s because she knew she would lose. However, there must have been days that she put her foot down because the wardrobe did get toned down….otherwise I’d probably still look like Punky Brewster with her crazy hair-dos and bandannas.

Yes, in my infinite wisdom, I have come to the conclusion that crazy socks are okay….and if I can, I will try my best to influence those around me and bring out the sock fetish they never knew they had. After all, there are worse addictions than crazy socks!

Thanks for the socks Amy!!!!

Wow! Two posts in one day! I better watch it, I don’t want to get too carried away!

I had to create a new category in order to accurately describe the stories that will be posted here…(and no offense meant to any blonds who may be reading this post). All the stories are true. The names and places have been changed to protect the innocent (mainly me!) Keep that in mind as you read the following tale and any future tales lumped in under this category.

One reason I wanted a website was so that I could share my life with friends and family on a daily basis. So, hold on tight and buckle those safety belts folks, you just jumped down the rabbit hole and you’re in for the ride of your lives. I hope you find this site funny and amusing. And now, on with the show…

This blond moment in particular is very short, yet extremely blond! The moment started when I arrived at the dentist’s office at precisely the time of my appointment, 7:30 AM. Why would someone schedule such a dreadful activity so early in the morning…why, because I’m insane of course Especially since the morning activity was going to involve a drill and some horrible tasting filler stuff. Anyway, so I arrive at the office and open the door…at least, that is what I had planned to do. Instead, the door did not budge. I looked at it like it was going to magically open before me and made the only logical conclusion that one can make that early at the dentist’s office….the door must be locked. So I proceed to peep into the windows looking to see if anyone was in there. And there were people in there. And all of them were staring at the door and at me and looking at me like I was crazy. So, after a moment, my dentist came to the door and opened it up for me. It was at that moment that I made a horrific discovery. The door opened outwards!!! Now I knew why the door wouldn’t open, I tried pushing on it (which is really bad since I had actively turned the handle on the door earlier and should have realized from that action which way the door opened).

**I am reminded at this point about a favorite far side cartoon of mine, the one where a kid is bent forward pushing as hard as he can on a door…a door that says pull in rather large letters…I also believe that somewhere in the picture is a sign that reads something like “So-and So School for the gifted” Illustration complete, on with the story- yes, there is more **

The dentist even asked me if I had tried the door and so, to cover up my mistake I said yes and that it did not open when I tried it. Well, to make matters worse, she replied “Really. Let me try and see if it works.” And, of course it did. So now I look like a total idiot in front of my dentist, her secretary, and however many hygienists were there at the time. To make matters worse, she took me right back to the little room and began to drill on my poor tooth. As she preceeded to cover me in toothdust, I decided that this was not a way a person should start their morning….ever!!

And that concludes this afternoon’s entertainment. Thank you and Good-bye