Experiments in Life

It was Friday night and I was finally getting around to putting up the Christmas tree. So, Jonathan brought in the box for me and I went to work. I pulled out the bottom and put it in the stand, and then I just stared at it. I remembered well the trouble in the past this tree had caused, if only I knew what trouble it would be this year.

*flashback* My mom and I found a great deal on a prelit tree from McRae’s a couple of years ago. It was one they had used in their decorations. Well, we got it pretty cheap, now I know why When my mother and I attempted to put the tree up last year, the lights did not work. Jonathan and I then spent several hours checking each light bulb on the 7 ft. tree, replacing burned out bulbs as we went. Well, when we plugged it in after the purging, fewer lights worked than before!
*end flashback*

*back to present day* Well, remembering all that, I decided it would be best to take off the lights that didn’t work, meaning all of them. So, I set to work. I have no idea who put those lights on but man, were they on there good. This job required a really sharp pair of scissors and extreme determination and will power on my part. I was determined to get those stupid lights off! Apparently the tree did not want to be stripped of its lights because as I began unwinding the first string, the tree bit me! It actually bit me! And it continued to do so with every light that I took off. It tried to eat me!! But I wouldn’t let it have me! I fought my way back out of the tree, with lights in hand When I got through with the bottome section, I was scratched and bleeding all the way up to my elbows. Bad tree, bad!! Once the tree was stripped, it was time to put the new lights up. The tree did not like this either. It continued it’s futile attempts to eat me for the remainder of the evening. By this point, it was beginning to get late, but I thought what the heck, I’ll go ahead and light the midde. So, I bent down and pulled the middle out of the box….well, at least I thought it was the middle. As I looked at what I had in my hands and the tree sitting in the stand, beautifully lit, I came to a horrible realization. I had in fact, not stripped the bottom of the tree. I had mistakenly put the middle section of the tree in the stand. I couldn’t believe it. I stood there holding the bottom of the tree and staring in disbelief at the middle, standing tall in all its brilliance and beauty, laughing at me. And then I realized that the tree wasn’t the one laughing, it was my husband. I slowly turned my head to look at him, hearing nothing but laughing and giggling the whole time. As I looked at him, he just looked up at me and said “I’m laughing at a puppy, really!” (BTW, he was not laughing at a puppy!) When he finally settled down and wiped the tears from his eyes, I heard an all too familiar *thump thump thump*. I turned and there was Snobbers (a.k.a. Rosie, one of our australian shepherd mixed pups) looking lovingly up at me and wagging her tail, which was hitting the wall, hence the loud thumps. I was trying to be mad and not laugh since Jonathan was having way too much fun already, so I looked at her and said “Don’t you look at me and wag your tail!” Well, that only succeeded in starting Jonathan off on round two of the laughing hysterics. I honestly thought he was going to fall off of the couch.

Needless to say, I did not finish stripping and lighting the tree that night. Since I had already done the middle, I went ahead and put the top of the tree on and put the lights on it. It worked out really well seeing as it was much easier to light the tree when the top of it was at eye level. (Last year I nearly killed myself lighting the top of the tree on a step ladder. )

Late Saturday evening, I finished lighting that blasted tree. Then the two of us put it together…in the right order. This is after an emergency run to Wal-Mart for more lights. Somehow I managed to use more lights than last year. Last year I used 450 lights. This year I managed to need 650 lights. According to my completely nerdy, yet loving husband, that is about 40 lights per cubic foot of Christmas tree, or 33% more lights than I used last year

Now, I know that putting together an artificial Christmas tree is not rocket science, but…well…I guess I really have no excuse. I have no idea how I managed to mess this up. Guess I’m just getting old

Sunday after church, I broke out the dozens of ornaments and proceeded to decorate the heck out of that tree. I was going to get it back for all the pain it had caused me! (I had finally stopped bleeding by this point, however I look like I got into a fight with a couple of cats!) As I stood back to look at my handy work, I thought, “Maybe this tree isn’t so bad. It didn’t succeed in eating me afterall!”

Well, since I was already being cranky and all, I figured I’d post this little tidbit as well. I found out this morning that our fair city has had a blond moment…since they were building a new high school near research park, they decided to cut a road from slaughter into research park to help with traffic flow. Well, they put up a light and columns on slaughter…however, if you were to turn in and follow the road, you end up at the new high school. Apparently the city ran out of money and could not afford to finish cutting the road through, so the only option is to cut through the high school parking lot, which of course you are not supposed to do. Looks like to me they would have thought about that before putting up the light and the signs and all. Anyway, it made me laugh and helped brighten my morning after that 40 minute drive.

But part of me wonders…whose engineering and financial brilliance do we have to thank for all of this?

Wow! Two posts in one day! I better watch it, I don’t want to get too carried away!

I had to create a new category in order to accurately describe the stories that will be posted here…(and no offense meant to any blonds who may be reading this post). All the stories are true. The names and places have been changed to protect the innocent (mainly me!) Keep that in mind as you read the following tale and any future tales lumped in under this category.

One reason I wanted a website was so that I could share my life with friends and family on a daily basis. So, hold on tight and buckle those safety belts folks, you just jumped down the rabbit hole and you’re in for the ride of your lives. I hope you find this site funny and amusing. And now, on with the show…

This blond moment in particular is very short, yet extremely blond! The moment started when I arrived at the dentist’s office at precisely the time of my appointment, 7:30 AM. Why would someone schedule such a dreadful activity so early in the morning…why, because I’m insane of course Especially since the morning activity was going to involve a drill and some horrible tasting filler stuff. Anyway, so I arrive at the office and open the door…at least, that is what I had planned to do. Instead, the door did not budge. I looked at it like it was going to magically open before me and made the only logical conclusion that one can make that early at the dentist’s office….the door must be locked. So I proceed to peep into the windows looking to see if anyone was in there. And there were people in there. And all of them were staring at the door and at me and looking at me like I was crazy. So, after a moment, my dentist came to the door and opened it up for me. It was at that moment that I made a horrific discovery. The door opened outwards!!! Now I knew why the door wouldn’t open, I tried pushing on it (which is really bad since I had actively turned the handle on the door earlier and should have realized from that action which way the door opened).

**I am reminded at this point about a favorite far side cartoon of mine, the one where a kid is bent forward pushing as hard as he can on a door…a door that says pull in rather large letters…I also believe that somewhere in the picture is a sign that reads something like “So-and So School for the gifted” Illustration complete, on with the story- yes, there is more **

The dentist even asked me if I had tried the door and so, to cover up my mistake I said yes and that it did not open when I tried it. Well, to make matters worse, she replied “Really. Let me try and see if it works.” And, of course it did. So now I look like a total idiot in front of my dentist, her secretary, and however many hygienists were there at the time. To make matters worse, she took me right back to the little room and began to drill on my poor tooth. As she preceeded to cover me in toothdust, I decided that this was not a way a person should start their morning….ever!!

And that concludes this afternoon’s entertainment. Thank you and Good-bye